


I need you back

by destielisrealbitchez



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: 12x23, Destiel - Freeform, Other, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, quick write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 03:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12147801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielisrealbitchez/pseuds/destielisrealbitchez
Summary: ***SPOILERS FOR SUPERNATURAL 12X23*** i was feeling sad about cas' death and i just wanted to write something about it. you can either view this as of a note from me/us to cas or dean to cas, whatever you prefer.





	I need you back

I feel alone, I have felt alone since the day you left me, that day, you took all the light with you. You took all the light from this world, this world that needs you. I need you, I have always needed you, you made me whole, you made me smile, you made me cry and have hope, but most importantly, you made me stronger.

I don’t know how to fight my demons anymore , just by myself, how can I find light again in this dark place? For you took all my light with you.

I want you back. I have never wanted anything this much, but wait, how can i? how can I want anything else beside you? For you were, and still are, my everything.

I see you when I look at the stars, you were so beautiful, so shiny, a spark in the dark, just like stars.

I see you when I look at the sky, when I look at the ocean, for they are so beautiful and blue, just like you. I get lost when I look at them, just like I used to when i looked at your eyes. 

But, by ‘blue’ I don’t mean just your eyes. I mean YOU, as a person. You were always so blue, so sad and tired. you just wanted to help other people, you didn’t want them to feel what you felt, sadness, hopelessness, for they are not pleasant feelings.

I see you when I look at the birds, flying by, free and happy, and I think to myself, Did he ever feel like that? Did he ever feel happy? Free? Did he ever feel anything besides sadness and darkness?

I always get teary eyes thinking about that, but then I smile to myself, because oh wait, I just remembered, even if he didn’t feel those things while he was here, he must be feeling them now, the feeling of flying, of happiness, pure happiness ,just like those birds.

But then there are other days, days where I don’t smile, days where I just feel sad and alone, all over again. Just like I did when I first saw that blade go through your chest, where I cried and cried all day and night. 

And sometimes during those days, I feel so selfish, so selfish because I forget that you are in a better place now, that I should stop just thinking about myself, that you were never truly happy here, and you of all people, deserve to be happy. You deserve the best, and maybe, I am not that.

When I was younger, before I started questioning if it was real or not, I was taught that when a person dies, they either go to hell or heaven. If you’re a bad person, you go to hell. and if you’re a good person, you go to heaven.

until this very day, i still don't know if i believe that. but deep down, i'm hoping the heaven part is true. you deserve to be somewhere like that.

 

_

 

I want you back. I don’t care how selfish that sounds, I just want you back in my life. I want to see your face again, smiling and laughing at a silly joke. I want to see your face again, now, tomorrow, everyday.

I want,no, i NEED to love you again, I need to see you again, I need you.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :) hope you enjoyed, if you did, please leave a kudos and a comment <3 <3


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